10 minutes pass while I am vending my jewelry on the corner - autoportrait 3/25

I am writing this sitting outside a coffee shop attempting to sell my jewelry. The sun is out and it is hitting one side of my face. It’s good to get sun on one’s scalp because it aids hair growth but the parts where I’m worried I’m balding get extra hot. I make beautiful things. This weekend I taught myself chainmail. Chainmail is ancient as soon as it is made even if I made it today. Joan of Arc saw god and then put on her chainmail. It is 2025 and I made a chainmail necklace for the first time at 30. The earthy elegant powerful necklace is a miracle and age is a spacious verb.

I find beach glass on the shores of lake Champlain every summer. I don’t know when I started. I started using it to make jewelry 4 years ago. Sometimes I am improving some times I am standing in place.

The same chic French women have walked past my stall four times. They are speaking a different language which I happen to understand though I got a B- in French in college. That was due to kissing/weed/general obsession. They are saying “I think I will always want to try new things.” They don’t stop when they pass me. I just sold a necklace to a sweet person who self diagnosed as having no self control. I do not desire self control. It is impossible to control an ocean. I do desire certainty - that I will make another sale, that my hair isn’t falling out more than anyone else’s - a desire for certainty is hopeless and ultimately perverse. My sign will fall over; I will pick it up and put it back on its stand.

Someone next to me is FaceTiming their friend. They are telling a story about a fire in their house that they seem to have caused - they are laughing. They feel incredibly ashamed to have put everyone in danger. There is a poster on the traffic light pole. It says “I hope you feel terrible.” The person who caused the fire says they feel relieved that everything is actually fine.

I feel fine. I have made that one sale and there’s still an hour. I brought pumpkin seeds so I don’t need to buy lunch. My love is picking me up. I can turn my head so the sun will hit the other side of my face.